diamatap

why do peopla have to actually change? why should people become someone we donapos;t know? from sweet to something bitter?

there are certain things that we donapos;t understand. Such as why the world is revolving around the sun and not the sun revolving around the earth. They proved way before that that was the case. But why did it have to be like that? another question would be�why earth has to have only one moon while jupiter has a lot? and why is breathing the sign that we are alive? why not.. Blinking? or something else? why is music entertaining while speaking�feels so�plain? why canapos;t it be the other way around. Singing would be how we actually�interact with each other�and speakingapos;s the form of music. It sounds weird but if we were raised to be like that, it would be normal.

one last question in my mind right now is why�things have to end?�i mean. Why does the year have to end? to make a new one? for us to make those new year resolutions? but if we think about it... Those years werenapos;t any different from the rest. You�probably have a resolution on your list that was there since you were 7 years old. And until you have grandchildren you would probably be writing those resolutions�down.

i had this idea that we have endings for us to start a new beginning. But i also contradicted my own thought that if it wasnapos;t for what you ended, or simply if it wasnapos;t for the past, we wouldnapos;t have reached the point of our lives where we would be "starting anew". Sometimes it really is hard to start all over again because there will always be a part of you that has been locked with your past. There will always be this memory of committing a mistake. No matter how hard you try to erase it, it will never go away.

example, if you write something on a piece of paper using a pen and you made a mistake... You would probably throw that paper away. But does that mean you never wrote something that you shouldnapos;t have written? if you used a pencil, and what you did was to use an eraser to correct the mistake, it is still a fact that you made a mistake and you wrote something wrong. There would always be that lingering trace of your careless act.

i know i have tried my best to reiterate to myself how weak i can be. And i have also lectured myself that i have to be strong. Yeah. And what have i done? all i did was to be all over the place again. And yeah. I cried last night. And the other night. And i cried during those other nights when i felt like dying. Hooh. I canapos;t hide that any longer. Yup. I did cry. Darn it. Thatapos;s how fragile i am.

to someone: thanks, by the way, for filling what was missing in my life. And that part of my life was the chapter entitled "i told you so". Know why? because if my friends werenapos;t so sensitive, they woud have screamed at me those 4 words. Yeah. They told me so. I should have listened to them in the first place. I thought�my friends�were being judgemental. But nooooo.

aside from those negative effects you gave... Iapos;d like to thank you for those other times i have deleted. Thanks. The good times. The nice ones. The heaven-like. But too bad i had to delete them. And that was because every time i would remember them, tears would most probably roll down my cheeks. And i donapos;t want to waste those anymore. I might get dehydrated and all. Remember, we must conserve water. And yeah. If youapos;d try to surf my multiply, youapos;re not in my special list anymore. No more blog entries for you (except for this one where iapos;m bidding you farewell) and no more special albums whatsoever.�ok? wait. This isnapos;t farewell. Weapos;re still ok. Itapos;s not just the way it was before, right? you donapos;t have to say it, apos;cause i can feel it. Really. No need to emphasize your point, dear. Itapos;s clear... 20/20 right there. :)

hereapos;s your heart, iapos;m giving it back... hearts;

PS: i want mine back. ASAP. :D��

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